Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I have limited wind

This is very long, but I would much appreciate you taking the time to read it. Commenting never hurt me either.







OK, so in my last blog post I admitted some things that may not have reflected on my greatly, and this next confession may possibly be no exception: I would rather rock out to Kenny G on MUZAK than listen to nothing at all. I, of course, am looking at this from the perspective of a cubicle monkey (read ala Career Builder commercials) who sits in an office of solitude, silence and despair. Now, before I go any further, this may seem hypocritical to something I speak about often: the need to get rid of the noise in our lives, whether it be audio, visual, or something in between. Good Examples of this would be always needing the radio on, a cluttered house, the need to always be out and social etc. I often argue on this point to people who say they do not hear God – clearly to me, they have too much noise in their lives. I know I do. So to completely contradict this idea, I want to state that its cruel and unusual punishment to be forced to work in an office, with over circulated stale air, people who microwave food that reeks of curdled milk and onions, and coughing fits that make the infirmaries during the black plague era seem tame, that has no music what so ever. I am not living a noiseless life here at the old job, nor should I be thanking them for allowing me silent time to hear the voice of God, rather I am stuck here amidst all this strife, stuck listening to the screaming in my head that says "Get me the $%^& outta here!"








So it's probably true that I will never be satisfied with a 40 hour a week job (hence my delving into the fields of music and church – although the church field is a whole different sort of torture, maybe not lacking in crappy music (can anyone say "Shine Jesus, Shine . . . and yeah I did just vom in my mouth) but certainly torturous in its own way none the less . . .) but I digress. Either way, I still need a little something more from my job. Redundancy is what is killing most of us – I am pretty sure we were built to be creative, and a job that saps you of your creativity is a lot like the "Suck-Kut" from the movieWayne's World. (Did I just lose some of my readers with that ancient pop-culture reference?)








Somebody actually commented that they really liked my writing style and I was certainly very flattered. What's interesting, though, is that this person must love my parentheses or ellipsis (since I use them all the time. . . )








Does anyone remember that crappy song that went " I love you period. Do you love me question mark? Please, Please exclamation point! (I want to hold you in parenteses.) – I actually have fond memories of that song, but its still really crappy. It just really makes me sad to think that the song my father wrote that said "Kill your mother, rape and pillage . . ." never caught on. Oh, and by the way, he was mocking the music that I was listening to as an angry and disenfranchised youth. Oh yeah, I had a mullet, and black t-shirts with anarchy signs – I was totally sweet. This phase was preceded by my late elementary years in which I clearly remember wearing neon orange spandex with black checkers up the sides, and a t-shirt with a shark on it holding a knife and a fork saying "Let's do lunch." Two things about that: 1. I had no grapes to really be smuggling, so that was of little concern, and 2. I was not nearly as sweet as I thought I was . . . go figure.








So some of my friends are upset because they were implicated in the Enrique Iglesias' "Hero" incident of '05. I personally feel liberated.








I have said it once and I will say it again – Abortion is NOT the only moral issue. Too many Christians and extreme right winger's ("She's only seventeen (seventeen) . . . did anyone else get that?) think they have a cornered market on the "moral" party because they are anti-abortion. Some other moral issues may be, life in general, war, poverty, unfair trade and labor – just to name a few. To vote against abortion does not mean that no other moral issue matters. Think about it.








Now, its strange because I often get accused of being "liberal" now, which is pretty funny to me. Folks, let me be real honest with you – I have opinions. These opinions are constantly being shaped and changed to look more and more in line with how I think Jesus calls me to live. I am trying to not be republican or democrat, right or left. I am just trying to get in line with what is best for the most people. I have issues with both sides. I mostly speak out against the "christian right" because I am a friend of Bill W's (a recovering "christian.") Actually I am trying to throw out the word christian altogether – it conjures up to many thoughts and I am not near good enough to change peoples perception. I am trying to think of a different term for myself other than "christian." Obviously, the term "awesome" fits. Maybe I could make that work? "What religion are you?" - "Awesome." What do you think?








Let me go back to the abortion thing for just a moment. I am trying to have a consistent ethic of human life. To me, this means no war, no genocide, no torture or death penalty, and no abortion. I am trying to be all around pro-life – all lives are important and equal. I get that this is a major issue. I have read all the bumper stickers and yes I am glad my mom chose life, but here is the thing. We just had 8 years of a pro-life candidate in the white house and it did not change a thing. Does this make it an unworthy cause? Of course not. Before Roe v. Wade, abortions were still popular, just illegal. Much like prohibition, making them illegal will really not change anything. We need to change our hearts and we need to make a difference in peoples lives. Legislation can only make minor changes at best, but the real change starts with us (have I said this before?) So why do I advocate interest in politics? Because it is a part of our world and it is a good place to start the discussion, and can even be helpful in raising awareness for some major injustices that are currently happening in our world. But the other day, Derek Webb said, and I completely agree, "I venture to say, that if you step out of your house and look at the 6 or 8 houses/apts./condos around you, and try to make a difference through love and service in those peoples lives, that it would make a thousand times more impact in our world than any politician ever could." Well played.








www.postsecret.com – have you been there? You need to go. Better yet, send one in. Its like a modern day confession. The idea behind confession is not bad – simply getting things off your chest is very cathartic. You were not meant to carry all that baggage.








I absolutely fear confrontation, but I love to debate.






I often wonder if anyone really gets me.






I used to want to be hospitalized to see who would show up, so I could see who really cared. Then I went to the hospital and I was pleasantly surprised by the people who visited.






Sometimes I am afraid I talk a better game than I really have.






I confess some things so I do not have to confess others. Maybe someday.








One of the hardest things about writing about social issues, pop culture, theology and the like is finding out how to best portray my opinion. You see, clearly I think my thoughts are better than some peoples because they would not be my opinions if I didn't. I also want people to know that I try to be open to new ideas and I certainly don't want people to take my thoughts as the final word on the matter, but at the same time, I do not want them completely dismissed either. I want people to know that I am just trying to be part of the discussion and that I am equally flawed. Its hard to make a harsh stand on certain topics because I am far from perfect and I am always afraid someone will look at my life and call me out. Sometimes we need to have thoughts before we can take action, but actions speak louder than words . . . how interesting.








Are you enjoying my foray into hyperlinks? I am trying.








There is a guy that sits near me that honestly thinks that Mountain Dew is the devil's tool. 1. Has he ever even had Mountain Dew? Yummy. 2. If he is a christian, I am definitely now calling myself awesome. 3. Isn't he fighting the wrong battles? 4. This is also the guy who thinks Barack Obama is the anti-christ.








I, on the other hand, think David Archuletais the anti-christ.








I am thinking about bringing the phrase "bomb-diggity" back – With the help of my friend Eric, we clearly made "your mom" jokes cool again. Any other suggestions?








"Today the minutes seemed like hours, the hours go so slowly . . . "








Albums you should be listening to (at least what is appealing to me right now, and clearly seems like a much better deal than Kenny G on MUZAK):

The National "Boxer"
Derek Webb "Mockingbird"
Jeff Buckley "Grace"
Arcade Fire "Neon Bible"
Neil Diamond "Hot August Night"
Under the Influence of Giants "Under the Influence of Giants"
Ray Lamontagne "'Til the Sun Turns Black"
A Perfect Circle "eMotive"
Beck "Guero"
Badly Drawn Boy "The Hour of Bewilderbeast"



Movies you should be watching:

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Blood Diamond
No Country For Old Men
Juno
Sweeney Todd



Books you should be reading:

"Everything Must Change" by Brian McLaren
"Jesus For President" by Shane Claiborne
"Catcher in the Rye" by J. D. Salinger
"Catch-22" by Joseph Heller
"Serve God, Save the Planet" by Matthew Sleeth
"The Great Awakening" by Jim Wallis
"Choke" by Chuck Palahniuk
"House of Leaves" by Mark Z. Danielewski
"The Secret Lives of Men and Women" by Frank Warren
"Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell
"The World According to Garp" by John Irving



If you ever want to discuss any of the aforementioned titles (movies, music, books, etc.), please hit me up.




And you should not be watching TV because it steals your soul – but I have no room to talk. DVR has seriously ruined my life. I watch shows that no one watches, like "Monsterquest" – seriously, I have got issues.

Office Space

I am posting several blogs that I have written over the last few days. The gestapo at my work would not allow me access to the internet to post them



Does anyone really like going to the dentist? I understand that a person could possibly argue "Your teeth never feel cleaner," but to me, that is certainly not worth the agony and torture of visiting that hell hole known as the dentist's office. Now, you must know that I have horrible teeth. My dentist always said that I had really weak enamel, and when I was a child, I used to have to take extra trips to the dentist, just to get fluoride. Truth be told, I take better care of my teeth than most of the people I know. I floss, I waterpik (occasionally) and I brush twice a day, but the cavities still come, the root canals have happened and I am stuck with crowns that have no correlation to royalty. I typically dread the hell hole for several reasons. 1. The metal scraping against my teeth is not a warm and fuzzy feeling, in fact, its like a cold prickly (who remembers project Charlie?) 2. I hate the endless lectures and demos about proper flossing and brushing – I am not wanting to pay hundreds of dollars to get a guilt trip. I know how to brush . . . I learned it when I was 5 . . .3. The never give me enough Novocain. I always tell them that I am highly resistant, but they could care less. They think I am just some sort of drug junkie that gets off on a 6 hour numbness that causes perpetual drooling.






Why do I mention all of this? I am due for the dentist. I would ask for prayer, but lets face it, Jesus may have saved us from lots of things, but even he cannot stop the dentist.







Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.







I once did a list of the top 9 worst movies, but I did them in haste and off the cuff. I cannot believe I forgot one of the worst – Cast Away. Outside of Forrest Gump, Tom Hanks has been playing the exact same actor in every movie for 20 years. Add to this Cast Away – a movie that simply tries to sell one thing, Tom Hanks. His acting is so non-existent that the movie falls flat on its face. Its indulgent in all the wrong ways, and when ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Wilson is your supporting character, you have problems. And spare me the responses about how I did not get the artistic expression of isolation in the film – I get that's what they are trying for, but sadly, I would rather be castaway than see that movie ever again.







Why does it take so long to process magazine subscriptions? In 6-8 weeks, my enthusiasm seriously wanes for what once seemed like a good subscription.







Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.







I know something about you. You want to be heard. Oh its true. It oozes out of everything you do. You want to count, you want people to think you have something to offer, you want people to know you really are different. I am the same way – so I will be pot and you kettle. This behavior is evidenced day in and day out in business meeting after business meeting. Business meetings could get done in about 5 minutes if people were not trying to be noticed. Typically, the reason is presented for why the meeting was called then you spend 2 hours having everyone re-phrase the problem and the solution. So I was thinking, why does this occur? Its simple – you are a crappy friend – and what makes you crappy is that you think you are a good friend. A good friend listens more than they talk, but you don't, and its not ok. See, we approach everything in our life wanting to be heard, so we may listen for a moment, but that's only to make space for ourselves to talk. This is evidenced daily in relationships all around me. Men, how often have you brought up an issue with your lady, to only find yourself apologizing at the end for something you have done? Ladies, this works for you too. We go to tell people are problems, and then they make it about them. I know what you are thinking – this is not me and I am the exception. But I know you, and I am talking to you. You are no exception. You talk too damn much and you listen too darn little. Guess what? Me too. Until we listen, and I mean really listen, this world will still starve for attention. We will have silly business meetings, and we will have wars, all because YOU think you are a good friend. So you are thinking, "well that's great Jered, but when will I get to say what's on my mind?" - - - exactly my point.







Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.







One thing that I need to learn is: people will never view my issues as urgently as I do. This may seem like a no-brainer, but this is a very good thing to realize. People have their own priorities, and yours will hardly ever be as important to them as theirs. I would save myself a lot of headache if I could truly internalize this thought.







Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.







Aquafina water tastes greasy.







Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.

Always look on the bright side of life. . .

The grass is never greener on the other side.






Things are never as you left them.







These are things that I have been learning lately. It probably comes off as fatalistic, and at the moment, it feels that way. It probably helps to step back and take a long view.







I have always been a proponent of change – and why not? It keeps things exciting, fresh, clean . . . like a new car. But like a new car, the excitement wears off long before the payments do. There are consequences to every choice . . . so essentially we are choosing our consequences. We want the new car, but not the 72 months of payments. This is our disease. We like our new wheels but want it to turn and handle like our old car – we like the reaction our new ultra sweet detailing gets, but we miss those memories in the back seat of our tangerine dream. Thankfully, we never try to mash the old and new car together, but we certainly do this with our lives? And we all know what happens when 2 cars hit head on . . .







I take back the grass is never greener comment, or at the very least, I take back how it reads. There is a future for all of us . . . and I think things can get better in this world . . . its just that sometimes the choices you make will not yield the results you long to cherish. I don't know how we learn to embrace the adventure, but I think we need to.







Some confessions: (Written to humanity in general, never to 1 specific person)



Sometimes I look at people and get angry that they allow themselves to look so stupid.



I hate confrontation and I lie to avoid conflict. I am afraid if you knew what I was really thinking you could not handle it. But I am seriously trying to get better – I work at it every day.



I am terribly controlling, and sadly, I don't want to change because I believe I am smarter than you.



I hate to apologize first because I believe you are just apologizing to follow the trend, and then I cannot take your apology seriously.



I cannot live with myself when I am following trends, and I have been following them all of my life.



Forgive me.