Office Space

I am posting several blogs that I have written over the last few days. The gestapo at my work would not allow me access to the internet to post them



Does anyone really like going to the dentist? I understand that a person could possibly argue "Your teeth never feel cleaner," but to me, that is certainly not worth the agony and torture of visiting that hell hole known as the dentist's office. Now, you must know that I have horrible teeth. My dentist always said that I had really weak enamel, and when I was a child, I used to have to take extra trips to the dentist, just to get fluoride. Truth be told, I take better care of my teeth than most of the people I know. I floss, I waterpik (occasionally) and I brush twice a day, but the cavities still come, the root canals have happened and I am stuck with crowns that have no correlation to royalty. I typically dread the hell hole for several reasons. 1. The metal scraping against my teeth is not a warm and fuzzy feeling, in fact, its like a cold prickly (who remembers project Charlie?) 2. I hate the endless lectures and demos about proper flossing and brushing – I am not wanting to pay hundreds of dollars to get a guilt trip. I know how to brush . . . I learned it when I was 5 . . .3. The never give me enough Novocain. I always tell them that I am highly resistant, but they could care less. They think I am just some sort of drug junkie that gets off on a 6 hour numbness that causes perpetual drooling.






Why do I mention all of this? I am due for the dentist. I would ask for prayer, but lets face it, Jesus may have saved us from lots of things, but even he cannot stop the dentist.







Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.







I once did a list of the top 9 worst movies, but I did them in haste and off the cuff. I cannot believe I forgot one of the worst – Cast Away. Outside of Forrest Gump, Tom Hanks has been playing the exact same actor in every movie for 20 years. Add to this Cast Away – a movie that simply tries to sell one thing, Tom Hanks. His acting is so non-existent that the movie falls flat on its face. Its indulgent in all the wrong ways, and when ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Wilson is your supporting character, you have problems. And spare me the responses about how I did not get the artistic expression of isolation in the film – I get that's what they are trying for, but sadly, I would rather be castaway than see that movie ever again.







Why does it take so long to process magazine subscriptions? In 6-8 weeks, my enthusiasm seriously wanes for what once seemed like a good subscription.







Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.







I know something about you. You want to be heard. Oh its true. It oozes out of everything you do. You want to count, you want people to think you have something to offer, you want people to know you really are different. I am the same way – so I will be pot and you kettle. This behavior is evidenced day in and day out in business meeting after business meeting. Business meetings could get done in about 5 minutes if people were not trying to be noticed. Typically, the reason is presented for why the meeting was called then you spend 2 hours having everyone re-phrase the problem and the solution. So I was thinking, why does this occur? Its simple – you are a crappy friend – and what makes you crappy is that you think you are a good friend. A good friend listens more than they talk, but you don't, and its not ok. See, we approach everything in our life wanting to be heard, so we may listen for a moment, but that's only to make space for ourselves to talk. This is evidenced daily in relationships all around me. Men, how often have you brought up an issue with your lady, to only find yourself apologizing at the end for something you have done? Ladies, this works for you too. We go to tell people are problems, and then they make it about them. I know what you are thinking – this is not me and I am the exception. But I know you, and I am talking to you. You are no exception. You talk too damn much and you listen too darn little. Guess what? Me too. Until we listen, and I mean really listen, this world will still starve for attention. We will have silly business meetings, and we will have wars, all because YOU think you are a good friend. So you are thinking, "well that's great Jered, but when will I get to say what's on my mind?" - - - exactly my point.







Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.







One thing that I need to learn is: people will never view my issues as urgently as I do. This may seem like a no-brainer, but this is a very good thing to realize. People have their own priorities, and yours will hardly ever be as important to them as theirs. I would save myself a lot of headache if I could truly internalize this thought.







Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.







Aquafina water tastes greasy.







Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.

A few thoughts

Some of these I have read somewhere, and some I think are somewhat original . . . either way, they are going through my mind.

Sorry if credit is not always given where credit is due

Oh and this will jump around a lot. . . mostly to prevent you from skimming (and clearly, me needing to organize)



I wonder if pastors are upset that Braveheart has probably inspired more men than their sermons have?

Why do some people find it necessary to have a lame sense of humor? Example:

Me: "Did you get a haircut?"

Them: "Actually I got all of them cut"

Wow, isn't that original and inspiring. Almost as good as, "what's up?" . . . "The ceiling"

If you are using these types of jokes, please stop.

Which lends me to - why has our conversation become so meaningless and mundane? Why do we ask "how you doin'?" when we don't really care? Why is the weather the only thing we can find to talk about with a stranger?

Speaking of, just to clear the air, I have heard the Subway and jewelry jokes a million times. You are not the first, second or one thousandth person to corralate my name to the ex-fat guy who pumps subway sandwiches. I no longer want to acknowledge this trivial little sentiment. Where has our creativity gone?

JESUS HAS RETURNED TO EARTH - in the form of a store called IKEA. Wouldn't it be interesting if people cared one one-hundreth as much about their spirituality and love as they did trendy furniture?

I applaud many people for adopting the whole idea of buying "green." Its nice to see people understanding Creation care, and even if you don't believe in God, its great to see us taking interest in protecting the planet, and saving resources, for future generations. But CONSUMERISM is a funny animal. We have just replaced buying eco-hazardous materials with buying "green" ones. Sorry to say it, but this is not going to stop our problem. All this buying still creates high volumes of production and packaging. This world will get better when we stop buying so much stinkin stuff. Green is cool, but we need to stop spending period. But alas, what are the odds of that happening? After all, I do really want that PS3. . .

Activia yogurt is supposed to regulate your digestive system . . . all it really does is up your flatulation index . . . write that down

David Archuleta (American Idol) might be the biggest sham ever. Ok, so he can sing a little. Can he remember words? No. Does he possess more than one facial expression? No. Does he use his right hand as a Raptor like claw that never gets above his solar plexus? Absolutely.

Would it kill Myspace to offer spellcheck?

Can we keep it up with the responding to my blogs? I dig the feedback, and if you can take time to take 1 million surveys a week that all ask the same questions, you can certainly hit me up here.

Every 4 years in America we get a sickness. . . its represents itself with one major symptom - we believe politics to be the solution to all of our world's problems, the nation's crises, and our own dilemmas. Can I tell you something? Its not. Go ahead, write me off as a silly "christian" but I am going to tell you this anyway. Christians and Atheists alike can say Jesus was probably the most influential person in history - and he lived in opposition to the government. He knew something we fail to grasp. Change begins with You (Me). I am the problem. When we fix ourselves and begin to love - that remedies problems. If Jesus ran today, he could never get the money together to be elected, and I am quite confident he would lose anyway. Am I saying not to vote? Of course not. But the government is not the plan. You are.

Renee Zellweger is neither talented or attractive. She can single-handedly destroy a movie. Case in point: Leatherheads.

Also, a really neat online test that Harvard put together can basically "show" that one is racist: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/index.jsp

You need to check it out above - thanks John - also test biases on sexuality etc.

If you are not listening to Ray Lamontagne, you should be. His music is pure joy.

thats all I have for right now. . .more for later hopefully

my dawg, Shane

Five years ago, I was in Iraq. It was as a member of the Iraq Peace Team, living in the middle of the "shock-and-awe" bombing of Baghdad -- some of the scariest days of my life. As Easter approached, we walked through the Lenten season with brothers and sisters in Iraq. One night I had a terrible dream, and I wrote about it in my journal. As I re-read it this season I found it as timely an image as five years back, and I decided not to doctor it up or try to polish it – but just to include the recollection of that dream as it is in my journal.

Sometimes it is hard to sleep -- so many thoughts. A bomber flew over. I looked up and could see, "U.S. Air Force" on it. I tried to think only of Jesus – the beautiful Lover of Nazareth. The other night I dreamed of Jesus. At first I could only see his back, somehow I knew it was him. His large, strong back was shirtless (and not as fair-skinned as I had once thought!). He was stooped over on all fours as if he were cradling something on the ground. I wondered what it was, so I tried to get a better glance.

A little head popped out from beneath his arm, giggling hysterically. Then another squirmed out from the other side. And another. How many were there?! Still kneeling on all fours with his arms spread wide, Jesus frantically tried to keep them gathered beneath him, as if he knew danger was looming. There were hundreds of little faces [Author's note: Jesus was gigantic, not to scale. I know it's weird; it's a dream.] So there was this huge Jesus, sprawled out above all the children. He looked like a kid frantically trying to keep a litter of young puppies from scattering.

And then there was a loud crack. Out of nowhere a whip struck Jesus on his back. He yelled in pain. Then again – the skin ripped open. And again. The children began to cry. A few young stragglers ducked safely under Jesus' chest with the others. As the whip continued to strike him, rocks began to fall from the sky like hailstones – pounding on his back and bouncing off. The children huddled beneath him, sobbing. His body convulsed in agony, but he never loosened his grip on the little ones below. As the rocks kept falling, something else started to drop from the sky. These objects looked similar to the rocks, but when they hit his back they did not bounce off like the rocks had. They sunk into his skin ... and then they exploded, tearing huge holes into his back, one after another. His bones became exposed, and soon his body stopped moving. Blood poured off his sides and rained down on the children.

STOP! STOP! In the name of God, stop. I could not wake up. The holes continued to tear into his flesh until the body barely resembled anything human. Then, at last, there was silence. Stillness. Slowly, the children began to stir. They crept timidly from beneath the rubble, covered with blood ... but alive. And I awoke ... sweating, panting, but alive.

After I had that dream, I remember going to a worship service, one of the most powerful services I've ever attended. There were thousands of Christians from all over the Middle East gathered just before Easter. We sang "Amazing Grace" in Arabic. We said the Lord's Prayer together in all kinds of different tongues. Then the bishops read a statement addressed to Muslims, which read: "We believe that you are created in the image of God and we love you." It was pregnant with hope. Afterward I confessed to one of the bishops that I was surprised to see so many Christians in Iraq. He looked at me blankly and said gently, "Yes, my friend. This is where Christianity began. You did not invent it in America. You have only domesticated it. Go back and tell the church in America that we are praying for them … to be the body of Christ, to embody the gospel of Jesus." His words still echo in my soul.

May we remember this Easter season -- that it may be Friday, but Sunday is coming. Death may be all around us, but in the end resurrection triumphs. Another little one clinging to Jesus.

Shane Claiborne is the author of Jesus for President, a Red Letter Christian, and a founding partner of The Simple Way community, a radical faith community that lives among and serves the homeless in the Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia.

If Burgess Meredith and Britney Spears had a love child . . . .

If Burgess Meredith and Britney Spears had a love child . . .
So I went to a "mega-church" this weekend, for the first time in quite a while and its got me thinking about all kinds of things. Having been way more involved in church politics than I would like to admit, I am still trying to repent of some of the awful things that I have done in my past when handling church business. With that said, I am always trying to chew over things more so I no longer make the same mistakes and sometimes I think pointing out positives and negatives can really create some good dialogue. So here it is – A review, or a good chewing over if you will. Feel free to chime in

The church was in Cincinnati – that's the only info that's relevant - some of you that know me might know which church it is, but for the purpose of this discussion, its not necessary

The good:
1.The music was excellent – as I would expect it to be when you can pull from such a big talent pool

2.The service featured creative sketches that were both funny and entertaining – Its great to keep people laughing and to not always be serious. I think this helps people stay focused. If the church needs anything, it needs to remember how to laugh

3.Multitude of programs and small groups – If you are willing to call someone or speak out, it would be easy to get involved. There is something for everyone – and for any focus you may want

4.The atmosphere – It was electric. It was Super Bowl Sunday. People were tailgating in the church parking lot. Free Hot Dogs, Free Coffee. A lot of young, good-looking professionals. Hipsters volunteering everywhere. People that look like me, or at least, look as hip as I want to feel (this truly is a compliment)

Rather than saying bad, or the bad, I am just going to ask questions. Questions I would ask of any church, for the most part, and questions that I believe should be asked. *No church is perfect – sorry to break that to ya, but considering its full of ruffians like me and you, what could we possibly expect?

Questions:
At one point should a church spend its money on itself rather than on the needs of its community, city, nation and world?

Are custom football jerseys at $300 a pop necessary for one Sunday?

Is it important to buy 10,000 people who come to your church a hot dog (presumably mostly from an affluent neighborhood) rather than buying 10,000 hotdogs for people who wouldn't otherwise eat today?

Could we set a better example in spending money on others than spending money on ourselves?

Are too many churches hiding behind the idea "that we are doing this to save souls" to justify spending money on themselves and their congregants?

Does the parable of the rich man and the widow have something to say about this (Mark 12:41-43), or does the multitude of deeds a large church can do put them in God's positive column, even if they are still spending lots on themselves?

Can we preach about the difference about knowing God's will and doing God's will and mention tithing to the church in the same message?

Can the cornerstone of a message's gimmick/theme revolve around the identity of a head pastor – or more simply stated, should we make a big deal about who the head pastor is at all times (or even more simply, can you lead a mega-church and not come off as arrogant)?

What is more important, the amount of money you take in, or the amount of people that attend? Or, how do we measure success?

Just because someone attends the "god-show" are we to assume they took anything from it?

Does spectacle equal experience?

Is it a mega-churches responsibility to lead the way in recycling by Serving God and Saving the Planet?

Does a large church have the responsibility to serve fair trade coffee so they can look the attendees in the eye and say "this cup of coffee did not oppress anybody" even if it means they have to spend a little more? Or is coffee unnecessary anyway?

Are gadgets God-approved spending, since after all, it gives people a better experience?

Do people attend because its God, or because its cool?

Is a mega-church a gateway, and can they only take you so far?

When you focus on toys and gadgets and gimmicks is it still possible to focus equally, or even more so, on God?

Is a mega-church like a Wal-mart to your local mom and pop shop?

I honestly don't have a lot of answers to these questions. I have heard stock answers to many of them and have spoken passionately about others, but either way, I think they are worth asking. I cannot condemn any church. I have my thoughts and opinions.

Just some thoughts

How can anyone say men and women aren't different? Other than the obvious genitalia issues, there are several proofs we are so different. What's the first one I can think of? Funnel Cake. Sure I like funnel cake, but would never stop and by one. On the other hand, women are genetically predisposed to buy funnel cake. When walking by a booth, or once the smell hits their nostrilsm its all over. She needs to have one. Period. If there was ever a true civil war between men and women. Men would not need to fight. We would just bake funnel cakes and poison them. The whole female race would be done in about 3 minutes.



Want to know how trapped by the consumer culture I am? I always buy the two-disc special edition of DVD's but I never ever watch the special features. But somehow, I feel I need to have them, you know, "just in case."



There is nothing you could say to convince me that Neil Diamond is not one of the best musical artists of our time. Sure he was not a great singer, and almost talks as much as he sings, but there is something about his music that just makes you happy. He is kind of like a white Bob Marley.

Chuck Palahniuk

Chuck Palahniuk Quotes - But they are worth reading, and plus I made a few comments - Please indulge me and read. Or maybe even comment.
Rant quotes
My life may be little and boring, but at least its mine--not some assembly line, secondhanded,hand-me-down life. I think this captures the fear of my generation. We strive to be original, but that thought has already been taken, so we are not sure what to do

The future you have tomorrow won't be the future you had yesterday.

Fight Club quotes
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. Or as also said in the movie "the things you own, end up owning you" which is very true of so many people I know, mainly me. We are so consumer driven. How many times do I need to say it before I get it? What do I need to give up to better understand?

If you could be God's worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? I just don't think this question is that simple or that easily broken down. Philosophical questions should have a great deal more than 2 options, but maybe thats who we have become, a bunch of people who think and wish life could be that simple, and then are left empty when we realize its not. Our lives have a lot more than 2 options.

This is why I loved the support groups so much. If people thought you were dying, they gave you their full attention. If this might be the last time they saw you, they really saw you… People listened instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. And when they spoke, they weren’t telling you a story. When the two of you talked, you were building something, and afterward you were both different than before. I have said it before, and I will say it again, most of this worlds problems, and most of your problems would be fixed if we just shut the hell up and took time to listen to people. Sure this could seem like a paradox, but we just need to take turns, and make sure its not your turn first. You listen, then talk. Maybe if we lead with the listening example then people we know we learn to hear us. But then again, here I sit giving advice instead of listening. I am the problem.

A minute of perfection was worth the effort. A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection.

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. Singing a praise tune, or owning a Bible, or memorizing a scripture or having a bake sale does not make you a follower of Jesus, but it probably does make you a "christian"

Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers failed, what does that tell you about God? There is a lot of truth to this. You view God like you view your father. Think about it. Is your father distant? than to you, so is God. Is your father mean, or unjust? So is God to you. Lets be thankful for good fathers (and mothers) and hope in a lot of cases we can do better.

Look up at the stars and you're gone. Not your luggage. Nothing matters. Not your bad breath. The windows are dark outside and the horns are blaring around you. The headlights are flashing high and low and high in your face, and you will never have to work again. You will never have to get another haircut. This is why I shaved my head. A haircut was just too stressful. Thank goodness modern marketing has told me to "Relax, Your at Great Clips"

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. SO why in the hell aren't you doing anything? But I guess I should talk

I just don't want to die without a few scars.

You know that saying about how you always kill the one you love? It works both ways.

If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? How little redemption have I truly offered the world by the way I have lived?

You just had a near life experience.

We are selling women their fat asses back to them. I love the topic of consumerism. I could talk about it all day. Maybe I should put up a billboard about it to raise awareness. . .

Invisible Monsters quotes
If I can't be beautiful I want to be invisible. It was bad enough we made women feel this way, but now "metro" men are feeling this way too. This happened in Rome too, they started to value beauty over everything else. That went well.

When did the future switch from being a promise to a threat? When did I start waking up wishing I could go back to sleep? That stupid choral arrangement in the eighth grade told me that everyday was a promise. We have marketed a terrible life, which has sold a great deal of products. Most recently, I decided I needed an apoxy putty. I am not even handy

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known. I copy quotes from other authors and feed off their ideas . . . as evidenced here.

When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves. Too bad the next logical statement wouldn't be "When we don't know who to love, we love ourselves" It more likely goes "When we don't know who to love, we hate ourselves" Of course if we keep relying on someone to love us to validate our own self worth then we are going to go no where, but. . . maybe if the Creator of matter tells us we matter, than maybe we are going somewhere

Beauty is power like money is power like a gun is power.

Given the choice between grabbing a strange tongue and watching a monster poop into a giant snail shell, the face retreats and slams the door behind it. This is too deep for me, but I just had to include it

The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person. This comes across as cynical and terrible and awful, but may be more true than it should be

As soon as we become boring we die. Never ever become boring. Here's to creativity. But we will just keep taking the arts out of schools and keep mass-producing hip-hop albums until nothing is left. The average life expectancy may decline to 34

Survivor quotes

Today is the kind of day where the sun only comes up to humilate you. I think of that one anti-depressant commercial with the little blob thats walking around depressed. Have you seen that one? I heard on TV that 10% of adult women are on anti-depressants. What have we done to ourselves?

Reality means you live until you die...the real truth is nobody wants reality

The only difference between martyrdom and suicide really is press coverage.

It's only in drugs or death that we experience anything new and death is just too controling I am not condoning drugs, but isn't it strange how true that quote sounded to you for a second? And I have never even done a drug . . . .

Everybody thinks their whole life should be at least as much fun as masturbation Sorry to include this, but I think its poignant. I think of Kevin Spacey in American Beauty when he says masturbating is the highlight of his day. What should be the highlight of your day? And I am not going for a generic answer cause I don't have it, but if you even thought something cliched like, spending time with God, you are farther along than me.

The cultures that don't castrate you to make you a slave, they castrate your mind.

The joke is, we all have the same punch line.

Choke quotes
Art never comes from happiness. So please die Thomas Kinkade . . .I meant that metaphorically, or figuratively or whatever that was. It was not a death threat

'We don't live in the real world anymore,' she said. 'We live in a world of symbols.'

Until you find something to fight for, you settle for something to fight against. I fight people at Bengals games, and the ones I love, while people are dying in Africa and starving on the streets of Cincinnati. I have my priorities in line.

Lullaby quotes

Maybe we don't go to hell for the things we do, maybe we go to hell for the things we don't do. He may be on to something, and I am not talking about the Sinner's Prayer

The only biodeversity we're going to have left is Coke versus Pepsi.

Diary quotes

Just for the record, she still loves you. She wouldn't bother to torture you if she didn't.

We have no scar to show from happiness. We learn so little from peace.

That's the American Dream: to make your life into something you can sell.

Some stories, you use up. Others use you up.

Movies

I am just going to do an off-the-cuff list of the nine best and worst movies of all time that I have seen. If you take issue with what I say here, let me know. It will be fun to argue about it. These are in no particular order and are numbered only to help me count. And again, I did this list in about ten minutes. And again, (again) when I say best, I take a movie within its genre, and artistic value is not the only thing I consider



WORST

1. Date Movie - Almost didn't include this because I can't believe anyone evere made this movie. Its offensive and never funny.

2. Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (Dead Man's Chest?) - After the first movie was so strong, this movie was awful. It was indulgent in all the wrong places, and the movie really has no plot.

3. Superman Returns - The worst lead actor ever - had the emotions of a monolith. Christopher Reeves was offended and who ever thought a Superman would be worse than number 3.

4. Batman and Robin - Thanks to my buddy Ken I have come to loathe the terrible dialogue in this movie. Cheesy one-liners has a whole new meaning

5. History of Violence - I have never walked out of a movie and not been able to remember anything about it - until this one. And there were even gratuitous sex scenes

6. Stealing Harvard - I love Jason Lee, but this comedy had no jokes. Tom Green is even more annoying than usual.

7. Star Wars 2: Attack of the Clones - I was never a big Star Wars fan, but you have to be pretty into it to understand or care what happened here - not to mention the fact that Annakin's acting is painful. Chewbacca conveys more emotion

8. The Matrix Sequels - The first was amazing. I still have no idea what happened in the next two, nor did it make me want to know. Keanu is more lame than usual, and there are far too many side characters that really mean nothing

9. Catwoman - Bad acting, bad costume, no plot, not even good special effects

10.



BEST

1. Crash - Intriguing, made you actually consider your own behavior and is one of the few movies that actually may make a difference on how you view the world.

2. As Good As It Gets - An amazing love story about messy people

3. Black Snake Moan - Warped and demented in all the right ways. Two people bringing each other to redemption. Great look, dialogue and feel

4. 40 Year Old Virgin - Dirty humor that is also intelligent. Real characters that never seem inauthentic. These guys are just like your friends

5. Braveheart - So maybe Mel loses his accent, but every man wants to be William Wallace. I am almost started another Revolution because I was so inspired by his cry for "Freedom"

6. Breakfast Club - Authenticity. and a great glimpse of my early years. Captured my teen angst perfectly

7. 300 - Vicualy stunning - manly quotient - see Braveheart

8. Good Will Hunting - Such great speeches about love and life.

9. Clue - an old school favorite and I was running out of time. How can you not enjoy this movie?

10.

Turn on the magic of colored lights

Wow, it's interesting to note that I have received more responses with my critique of "Clash of the Choirs" than I have on many things prior. Not that I am complaining, but I am curious if its because I asked for replies, or if people just want to respond more to what's aggravating them. Maybe we are all just angry at something and we want to take it out on Kelly Rowland. Or maybe I really only have something to say when I am talking about pop culture. Either way, it's fascinating and perplexing, but keep up the responses. Argue with me or something. Let's debate serious questions like . . .






"Would you rather be machine-gunned to death by Lite-Brite pegs or be assassinated by Cabbage Patch Dolls?"



Favorite quote lately (paraphrased): You did X? You know there is an age limit on that sh*t, just like Fall Out Boy. -



Guess you had to hear that one in context





Between going and staying the day wavers, by Octavio Paz
Between going and staying the day wavers,
in love with its own transparency.
The circular afternoon is now a bay
where the world in stillness rocks.

All is visible and all elusive,
all is near and can't be touched.

Paper, book, pencil, glass,
rest in the shade of their names.

Time throbbing in my temples repeats
the same unchanging syllable of blood.

The light turns the indifferent wall
into a ghostly theater of reflections.

I find myself in the middle of an eye,
watching myself in its blank stare.

The moment scatters. Motionless,
I stay and go: I am a pause.


..> ..> ..>..> ..>..> ..>..> ..> ..>
..>..>..>
..> ..>

..>..>

We’re half way there

I watched "Clash of the Choirs" last evening and I have several observations and thoughts.



1. I should have had more than one glass of wine, especially when I realized Michael Bolton was going to play air guitar.

2. They will put anything on TV in an effort to sell an idea or concept. The whole premise of the show is a competition for charity, but it has a million sponsors and new release movies rely on the success of this piece of crap show.

3. Most famous musicians know little to nothing about music. Surely I am not suggesting that knowledge of music theory is necessary for being able to produce or feel music, but you definitely need someone who understands basic concepts to lead a group of people in reading and singing music. I understand this irritates me because I majored in music and that makes me snobbish, but seriously.

4. If Nick Lachey is the pride of Cincinnati, we truly cannot have ANYTHING in this city.

5. There are much better things I could be doing with my time. We all waste time. We make up excuse after excuse for why we don't have time to read the bible, or do a service project or visit our grandma, or . . . but the truth is, the only reason a show like this exists on TV is because idiots like you and me watch it (even if it is just to make fun of it) And before you go saying "I don't waste time on lame shows", I will spend time to argue with you over your 300 different clichéd crime dramas or your 500th house cleaning/life changing remodeling show or umpteenth reality show.

6. When did "Livin' on a Prayer" become a choral number? Most show choirs know this is stooping too low.

7. How old is Patti Labelle? Probably ninety, but kudos to her for extensive face lifts and for stickin' in there. Actually, I think she can still sing.

8. Will most of these comments be wasted, since I am betting most of you did not suffer through the show? I wouldn't have either, but I was being social and it gave me fodder for today.

9. Who was that country guy, and will anyone not currently living in Tennessee recognize him?



If you ever have anything to say, or want to sound off, please reply or hit me up. My job allows me a lot of free time and I can always use something to do

for sure . . .

Totally like whatever, you know?
By Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com

In case you hadn't noticed,
it has somehow become uncool
to sound like you know what you're talking about?
Or believe strongly in what you're saying?
Invisible question marks and parenthetical (you know?)'s
have been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences?
Even when those sentences aren't, like, questions? You know?

Declarative sentences - so-called
because they used to, like, DECLARE things to be true
as opposed to other things which were, like, not -
have been infected by a totally hip
and tragically cool interrogative tone? You know?
Like, don't think I'm uncool just because I've noticed this;
this is just like the word on the street, you know?
It's like what I've heard?
I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions, okay?
I'm just inviting you to join me in my uncertainty?

What has happened to our conviction?
Where are the limbs out on which we once walked?
Have they been, like, chopped down
with the rest of the rain forest?
Or do we have, like, nothing to say?
Has society become so, like, totally . . .
I mean absolutely . . . You know?
That we've just gotten to the point where it's just, like . . .
whatever!

And so actually our disarticulation . . . ness
is just a clever sort of . . . thing
to disguise the fact that we've become
the most aggressively inarticulate generation
to come along since . . .
you know, a long, long time ago!

I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you,
I challenge you: To speak with conviction.
To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks
the determination with which you believe it.
Because contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker,
it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY.
You have to speak with it, too.

I think, therefore I’m not

People often ask me questions about the Emerging Church. What makes this interesting is, I have never claimed to be a member and I guess the great irony is, if you claim to be, your not anyway, and if you say your not, you may be . . .its all rather confusing.

I do not have enough stuff figured out to be accepted by anyone, but either way, here is a good synopsis. . .



What is the Emerging Movement protesting? Let me count the ways.

That's not an attempt to be funny: there is a list of at least ten items the Emerging Movement is protesting, and most would agree that it has its finger on some hot buttons. And let it be said that its primary focus in protestation is the evangelical movement and, sometimes but not always, the mega-churches that so clearly define and set the tone for the evangelical movement.

First, it protests too much tom-fakery in traditional churches. This generation of Christians is not as capable or interested in putting up fronts when it comes to "church" or when it gathers. Instead, it prefers a higher level of honesty. (Now the older generation would contend that hanging out dirty laundry is not advisable, while this generation is not so sanguine about the desire to protect.) Let me give one example: most evangelical Christians don't pray. (Stats show this.) Neither do they read their Bibles as often as they claim. (Stats also show this.) The Emerging Movement doesn't want this hidden in non-confession but wants it out in the open — and then it might even ask if reading the Bible is making a difference or if praying "works." It likes to ask these sorts of questions.

Second, it denounces the divisions in the Church. Why there needs to be so many kinds of Baptists or free church types or so many others kinds of churches is becoming more and more incomprehensible to the emerging generation. If the gospel is what it is supposed to be, if Jesus prayed for us to be "at one," and if we are supposed to be able to do things together, why not worship together? And, it denounces such divisions as much by raiding the entire Church tradition as anything else: increasingly the emerging generation finds things it likes in the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox traditions — things that were "no no"s to a previous generation.

Third, it sees cock-sure certainty as a cancer. I will touch on this origins for this tomorrow in my post on postmodernity, but the emerging generation does not find certaintist expressions as amenable as less certaintist expressions — even when the same thing can be said in different ways. Certainty denies the frailty of humans, the limitations of our own minds, the need for conversation and relationship and communal growth, and it sets itself up for collapse the minute a more complete grasp of knowledge is found.

Fourth, it refuses to separate action from articulation. If the older evangelical generation found doctrinal statements the chief way of setting up boundaries, the Emerging Movement wants to see one's articulation expressed by one's action. "By their fruits, ye shall know them…" (I fell into some KJV language, but the point is the same.)

Fifth, it wants individualism absorbed into incorporation: that is, the Emerging Movement encourages personal redemption but solo-Christianity is not what Jesus wants. He wants to form communities of faith not individual Christians. (By the way, this is not a false dichotomy; it is ancient form of hierarchy.) The Emerging Movement will ask as much about how a community's spiritual formation comes about as how individuals are being formed. (So my current poll will soon find an emerging complement.)

Sixth, the Emerging Movement's mindset is against marketing the gospel. It is the simplistic packaging of the gospel, so it is sometimes said, that causes so many problems in the Church today, so the gospel needs to be presented and performed in such a way that its rugged realities are clear in the summons to join in the work of God in our world today.

Seventh, the Emerging Movement despises the idea that Church is what takes place on Sunday Morning, between 11 and noon. Sunday morning, if it is at that time or another time, is when the Church gathers to worship and share life, but the work of the Church is what occurs during the week as the local community of faith performs the gospel. Frankly, for many, stomach flu breaks out when they think of the ornateness and the elaborateness and the expense of Sunday morning services.

Eighth, the Emerging Movement rejects the hierarchy and pyramid structure of many churches. Authority is in God — Father, Son, Spirit — and not in the pastor or the elders or the board of deacons. Scripture, it must be seen, is an expression of God's authority and not an independent authority. The very notion that one needs pastoral approval for one's calling or one's promptings or what one is permitted to do many find unconscionably usurping of God's authority.

Ninth, the social gospel cannot be separated from the spiritual gospel. The Emerging Movement combines the Liberal social gospel with the Evangelical spiritual gospel and comes up with something that is neither Liberal nor Evangelical. To use my words (and you can trace this in my Emerging Movement Category in the sidebar), it wants a "purple gospel." It is not so much a denial of either but a combination of both. (There's a big difference in those two ideas.)

Tenth, the Emerging Movement wants to be Worldly. Not in the Johannine sense or in the Pauline sense, but in the Kingdom sense: it knows that God is working to restore the entire creation into an expression of his glory and so it summons everyone to participate in the grant work of God to restore and redeem. It embraces culture and state and politics and business and it protests old-fashioned Christian separationism and enclave Christian circles. The walls between Church and World, so it is suggesting, need to be impermeable and not permeable, they need to be knocked down so the passage from one to the other is an imperceptible as the passing of Jesus from one person to another.